I have always been shy. I am jumpy and sweat easily when I get stressed or nervous. Small, intimate group is preferable over a crowd who talks over each other.
Slowly but surely I have learnt to open up more to people. The urge to change was at the start of my second semester at university when I figured out that every class in every semester meant different groups of people. Once I made friends, then I have to try and make new friends the next semester for each class I took – unless I kick myself out of my comfort zone.
Luckily for me, awkwardly ‘reaching out’ to people by asking uncomfortable amount of questions have rewarded me with a friendship I still maintain.
The university life and also moving out of home to a new city shaped me to be much more outgoing than before. Yet working with loud, ME-ME-ME! personalities at work often reverts me back to how I exactly use to feel – out of place, something missing, something – wrong.
Especially during management meetings; I feel that I have to change, to be more like ‘them’ and to be more gregarious or speak out something funny for the sake of speaking.
I don’t feel too bad about how I am and who I am now because I started to read a book written by Susan Cain, called “Quiet”. Susan’s book is about introverts in an extroverted world.
Reading this book makes me at peace with myself because I feel that I am just misunderstood by LOUD people. Just because they can’t appreciate a quieter approach of communication, they can’t assume that there is nothing going on with me and that I’m boring.
In fact there is a lot of things going on with me; it’s just that it’s internal.
There has been a lot of changes recently in my life but having a better understanding of myself as an introvert has helped me to feel comfortable with myself.
Cheers to letting go,
Instagram : @innerchildplayground